In a scene you’d likely see across Pittsburgh neighborhoods on beautiful days like the one on which we talked with Jocelyn Scott, the mom of three kids and two bonus kids, sat on her back steps watching her children and her boyfriend play in the back yard.
With the setting sun shining in her face, she shared that her family loves to be outdoors and cook on the grill— and she smiled as she added that earlier in the day, they even had a family water balloon fight. It was a day that some might call “typical,” but to Jocelyn, it’s something she doesn’t take for granted.
Because a day like that with her family?
It’s one she wasn’t sure she’d get to experience after one of the hardest moments of her life turned into a moment that changed everything for the better… thanks in part to the programs and support provided by Pressley Ridge.
“I’ve told myself every day since I’ve had these programs,” she shared, “that I am a good mom and that I’m doing the right things.”
She paused.
“And to keep going.”
And keep going is what Jocelyn has done with resilience ever since.
“IT RIPPED A HOLE IN ME.”
Like many moms do, Jocelyn had a birth plan for her third baby and first daughter.
But like many babies, her little one had other plans.
In the middle of the night, Jocelyn went into labor and quickly realized things were moving fast enough that she needed an ambulance. She rapidly progressed on the ride to the hospital, and ended up delivering her baby girl, Journey, in the hallway of the L&D department.
That experience, in itself, would be a lot for any mother to experience… but what happened the next day added even more to what Jocelyn called a traumatic experience.
Due to a set of personal circumstances, it was determined that Jocelyn couldn’t guarantee the baby’s safety.
And because of that, her baby was removed from her care in this hospital. Jocelyn looked off in the distance as she recalled the moment.
“That was the hardest thing that I ever had to experience,” she shared. “I didn’t get to bring home my baby, so it ripped a hole in me.”
TURNING HURT INTO HEALING
While Jocelyn was hurting, she knew she had to take immediate action in order to make changes to reunite her family.
That started with accepting the help of Pressley Ridge to not only reunify with her children, but to also help her gain the tools to ensure they stayed together.
Jocelyn was entered into HOMEBUILDERS® — a home- and community-based intensive family preservation service treatment program designed to avoid unnecessary placement of children and youth into foster care, group care, psychiatric hospitals, or juvenile justice facilities. The program model engages families by delivering services in their natural environment, at times when they are most receptive to learning, and by enlisting them as partners in assessment, goal setting, and treatment planning.
“A lot of priority with my work with HOMEBUILDERS® was organization…with paperwork, with appointments for me, and just making sure I had everything organized for the courts,” she said.
Jocelyn also worked diligently with HOMEBUILDERS® to learn new coping skills to maintain mental health stability, assure safety of the children in the home (including helping her childproof the house to make it safer for her active toddlers), and to assure that the basic needs of the children were met.
And with her commitment to that hard work, Jocelyn was eventually reunited with her children.
While she credited Pressley Ridge for their help in getting her home physically safe for that to happen, she also acknowledged them for helping her build the parenting tools to help create a home that was emotionally safe for them, too.
“I would say my parenting skills before (working with Pressley Ridge) were more aggressive parenting,” she explained, “and now it’s more gentle parenting.”
She was proud to share an example of how she has learned to react differently when her kids have big emotions — taking the time to get down on their level and talk to them about what’s making them upset to see how she can help them walk through it.
Vicki Ratzlaff — the HOMEBUILDERS® therapist who worked closely with Jocelyn during her family reunification process — validated that growth, recalling one day when she was in the home doing a visit when Jocelyn quickly jumped into action.
“One baby was crying because she needed a bottle, one toddler was on the potty and another needed a snack,” Vicki shared of the scene, “and she just handled all of it with poise and patience.”
“It was a blessing to me to get to work with her,” Vicki shared about Jocelyn. “She is smart and super resilient.”
A NEW BELIEF IN HERSELF
Those sorts of positive traits were ones that Jocelyn wasn’t used to hearing from other people and certainly wasn’t how she viewed herself.
But of all the ways Pressley Ridge and HOMEBUILDERS® helped Jocelyn, it was evident that the belief they helped her build in herself was one of the greatest takeaways.
“All my life I’ve always had somebody tell me, ’You can’t make it. You’re not going to amount to anything. You’re always going to be stuck where you are,’” she shared. “And (Pressley Ridge) built me up. They gave me confidence and showed me, ‘You can do this. You’re a good mom. You’re doing everything you need to and you can do.’”
“They taught me that I can do this,” she continued. “And I’ve told myself that every day since.”
As part of her continued efforts to grow, Jocelyn shared that every night before she goes to bed, she writes affirmations that include things like:
“You are beautiful.”
“You are strong.”
“You got this, mama.”
She puts them on her mirror so that in the morning, she can wake up, see them and be reminded of how well she’s doing… and how far she’s come.
Her current partner, David, whom she credits for being a huge supporter in her journey, will also leave similar messages for her on a white board in the kitchen to help her foster that belief in herself as well.
Another perspective shift?
How she looks at “asking for help.”
She recalled that growing up, she was taught that things like going to the food bank or having food stamps was “bad” — something that today she views as an option that is there to help people who need it.
“There are resources out there that will help you,” she said as her message to other moms who may find themselves in the situation she was in. “You just have to not be afraid to ask for help.”
A MESSAGE FOR THE HELPERS AND THE HEALING
Jocelyn’s story is one that proves that a combination of a will to do the work, and a great support system, can truly make a change in someone’s life.
She said she would tell someone else in her position to not stop fighting for her babies, and to take advantage of the support system with Pressley Ridge.
“I appreciated all the support and all the time that they came to my house and helped me get through all the obstacles and get all I needed to get done to get my kids back.”
Looking back on that mom in the hospital to the one now having water balloon fights, Jocelyn hopes that she’s written a new story for her kids.
“I hope that they say that my mom never stopped fighting for me,” she said, “and I hope they say my mom is strong and that she’s a mama bear who won’t stop fighting for her cubs.”
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